Inner Confusion
by LaurenLovegood
Summary: When Piper is confronted by her awful memories of the night that changed her life, her friend is there for her. Especially when the new guy seems to be bringing all these emotions and memories to the surface.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, that honor goes to Ms. J.K. Rowling. I wish I did though.

"Piper Madison Clark! Get your butt down here this instant, or you'll miss the train for sure!" Elisa Clark yelled to her daughter. She was bustling around the living room gathering her coat and shoes.

"I'm coming Mom!" From her bedroom upstairs, a tall, thin girl with long, jet black hair, and electric blue eyes who had to be Piper yelled back. She was throwing things into a blue trunk in a whirlwind. She tossed in the last black cloak in her closet, and quickly began snapping the latches on the trunk closed. She grabbed the birdcage containing a tawny owl and her trunk, and then began tugging it down the stairs behind her.

Her mother looked up at her. "Oh, honestly Piper." Elisa pulled a long piece of willow wood out of her pocket and mumbled "_locomotor trunk_". With that the trunk rose into the air and began floating behind Piper down the stairs. "Hurry up, hurry up we haven't got all day, it's quarter past ten and we have a fifteen minute drive to Kings Cross." The mother and daughter walked out the door of their home, and to their car. Elisa loaded Piper's trunk into the car, and then got into the driver seat while Piper climbed into the passenger side.

Elisa cranked the car and Piper turned the radio all the way up. The song was Pipers' favorite and it was called 'Emily Not Not Gone'. The singer had a breathy and mournful voice, and Piper mouthed every word while her mother drove toward Kings Cross. Elisa kept casting sidelong glances at the daughter she didn't seem to know anymore.

Pipers' once platinum blonde, curly hair had been magiked black and straight. Her formally bright and colorful wardrobe had dwindled to the colors black, white, and gray. Her usually pink nails were now black, and she rarely smiled. She had changed, but Elisa had deemed it a phase, and not questioned it. Piper, however, craved for her mother to question her sudden change, for her to at least acknowledge it.

Having turned fifteen the previous month, Piper was about to start her fifth year as a Ravenclaw at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had friends she was looking forward to seeing, and a mom she couldn't wait to be away from. Her mother might not have questioned her, but hopefully her friends would.

They pulled into Kings Cross station and unloaded Pipers trunk from the car, loaded that and her owl, Ophelia onto a trolley. They headed towards platform 9 ¾. The clock read 10:50 as they ran through the barrier between platforms 9 and10. They disappeared into the brick, and reappeared on steam filled platform full of kids in black cloaks and the sound of owls screeching. As Piper and her mother hurried towards the train, other kids began filing on. Piper stopped, and turned.

"I love you mom. I'll write you as much as possible, and see you at Christmas time!" she hugged her mother, and kissed her cheek as she grabbed her trunk and owl. She jogged up the steps onto the train, and then walked to the back of the train. Once there she found an empty compartment and went inside. She hefted her trunk and owl onto the rack above the seats. Piper sat next to the window and waited for her friends to find her. She loved her friends, most of which she had known since first year. Piper was originally from America, she had moved to London just to go to school at Hogwarts. It was where her mother had gone, and her grandmother before her. A tradition her mother had said, one that would not be changed just because they had moved to America.

Piper remember starting Hogwarts, she had been shaking when she had walked up to get sorted. She had felt like the sorting hat was taking to long and had started to worry. What if it didn't pick a house for her? What if she was a squib and that magic she had done before was a fluke? Then finally, after what had felt like an eternity, the Sorting Hat had yelled out "RAVENCLAW!" That had been the worst night of her life, until THE NIGHT. But she didn't want to think about that now, especially since her best friend, Cassidy Walker, had just walked in. She all but threw her trunk and cat carrier onto the luggage rack, and then collapsed in her seat with an overly exaggerated sigh.

"Hey Cass, what's up?" Piper asked her drama queen of a friend.

Cassidy turned her green eyes on me and frowned. "He dumped me! Me!" she seemed incredulous that any guy, even James Potter, would dump her. She leaned back again and closed her eyes, sighing heavily again. Piper couldn't help but laugh at her friend's performance.

"Cass, what did you expect? You knew even before you guys went out that he had his eye on that French girl, oh! What's her name? Oh, yes Zoë, Zoë Benoit! Hell, we all knew that."

She scowled, crossed her arms, and blew her golden hair out of her eyes. "Yes, I knew he liked her, I just thought that after he started going out with me he'd forget about her. That he'd fall head over heels for me instead."

Just then the compartment door flew open and a boy walked in. He was tall and thin, but muscular. His hair was raven, his eyes jade green, and his lopsided smile could just make you melt.

"Hey Piper, Cassidy. How was your summer?" he asked

"Good but you would have known that had you not forgotten how to send a letter Mr. Varen Wright!" Huffed Cassidy, throwing a good natured punch at his arm.

Piper looked down and mumbled a half-hearted "Fine". Varen and Cassidy looked at her, but said nothing, just as she had expected.

Varen looked back at Cassidy and began to explain himself, "Shade got sick, and mum refused to give up on her and get a new owl, so we all suffered through with no mail until she got better. This, I might add, never happened so now we have a new owl which my sister named of all names in the world, Penguin."

Cassidy and Piper dissolved into giggles. When they recovered enough to talk, Piper gasped out "Penguin? Really, Penguin?" and then started laughing again.

Varen replied yes, Penguin. Then he placed his things in the luggage rack, and sat down opposite Cassidy, beside Piper. Then Piper realized something.

"Hey Varen, what took you so long to find me and Cassidy? The rides already half over, you missed an entire conversation about Cassidy getting dumped."

"Oh, um, I kinda, sorta, well, I've got detention tonight with Professor Longbottom." He shrugged, and looked embarrassed. The girls looked at him unable to believe that someone, even Varen, could get detention before the first day of school even began.

"How did you get detention?"

"Well Piper, this is how it happened. I saw this twitchy first year, and I couldn't help myself. You would have done the same thing in my situation! Well, all I did was cast a bat-bogey hex on him, cause, well you know, he was all twitchy and stuff, so yeah that's what happened." Now that he thought about it, it did sound stupid.

Cassidy gave him a sad look. "Varen, I know you're a Slytherin and all, but you just can't be a 'bad boy'. You don't have the heart for it."

"I know, I know, and you're an innocent saint of Gryffindor." He scowled at her. She just smiled, and Piper shook her head at the two of them.

"Why don't you two go out already? It's obvious you're in love!" Piper said, only half joking. Cassidy looked shocked, and Varen looked embarrassed.

"Piper, you know I do not like Varen like that, he's like a brother to me!" Cassidy scolded.

"Yes, Cassidy is like a sister to me, as are you. I would never want to ruin either of those relationships with a break up if I and Cassidy ever went out." He said this with a straight, serious face, but Piper saw the very slight pink coloring creep up his pale face.

"Whatever, whatever." Piper turned towards her window and the group sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of the ride. Once they got close enough to Hogwarts, Varen stepped out so the girls could change, and then the girls stepped out so that he could change. Once in their robes, they got their trunks and pets out of the luggage carrier.

The train slowed to a stop and kids began pouring out of it. They would hop off the train, drop off their luggage, and either catch the boats or the carriages. This is what Piper, Cassidy, and Varen did. The carriage they caught had one other student in it. He looked vaguely familiar to Piper.

The boy stuck out his hand to each in turn. "Hi, I'm Matthew, but you can call me Matt." The three introduced themselves to Matt.

Cassidy, ever so bluntly, asked "So Matt, why didn't we see you around here in the last four years?"

"Well, that's because I just transferred from an American school. My family moved this summer." Matt said with a smile. Piper noticed that he had a dimple that was just oh so adorable, and oh so familiar. She smiled at him.

"I figure I should warn you then. You're going to have to go up with the first years to get sorted into a house." He shrugged, and then jokingly scowled.

"Yeah, I know, I'm going to look like a bloody fool up there with a bunch of midgets. Is there a house everyone wants to be in? A best one?" he asked.

Piper said Ravenclaw at the same time that Varen said Slytherin and Cassidy said Gryffindor. They all started to laugh. Matt raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I'm assuming you're in Ravenclaw", he nodded towards Piper, "you're in Slytherin", he indicated Varen," and you are in Gryffindor?" he chuckled as they all nodded happily.

They had arrived at the school now and were unloading from the carriage. Piper began to lose herself in thought as she walked up the steps and into the courtyard. As always as of late, her thoughts turned towards that horrible occasion. That night she would never forget. She was just beginning to glimpse a memory, a flash of an angry face, when the doors to the great hall opened. She was hit with the sounds of loud greetings after a long summer apart, and laughter at summer stories. Her sad memories fled her mind at these noises, and she bid her friends farewell as they went to their separate tables.

Piper was greeted by her fellow Ravenclaws as she settled in to listen to bubbly chatter about summer-time adventures. She heard about Chloe's second cousins wedding and how Kate met the cutest guy on her trip to Italy over the summer. Then Professor Delger threw open the doors and led the first years, plus Matt, into the Great Hall they all looked pale and nervous. Piper watched a little boy with wheat colored hair throw a quick glance at Varen and turn his head sharply back forwards. 'That must be the poor little boy he jinxed. Poor thing.' she thought.

They all stopped in a group in front of the professors' table and waited for their names to be called. Professor Delger sat an old hat on top of a small stool. This was the hat that would decide where these students would live, who they would hang out with, everything. This was the Sorting Hat.

"Allan, Samuel" called Professor Delger.

A small boy walked shakily to the stool, and sat down. Delger placed the hat on Samuel's head. The Sorting Hat contemplated for barley a second before yelling "Hufflepuff!"

This pattern repeated itself for a long time. Piper clapped when her table clapped to welcome a new Ravenclaw. She wasn't paying attention until she heard a familiar name.

"Walker, Matthew." Professor Delger looked up as she read.

Matt walked up confidently, smiling as he sat down, even as the other students whispered. There had not been a new student who wasn't a first year in ages. As Matt sat there, the Hat took its time to decide his new home. Was he a smart, quick witted Ravenclaw? Or perhaps a cunning Slytherin? A brave, proud Gryffindor, maybe? Hufflepuff, loyal and true?

"SLYTHERIN!" The Sorting Hats' yell rang through the near silent hall. The Slytherin table erupted in applause. Matt took the hat off his blonde tresses and walked off to the empty space beside Varen. Varen clapped him on the back as way of congratulations.

The sorting ended with Amy Zarb going to Hufflepuff. Headmaster Mcgonagall stood up, read through the same old list of rules, warned the first years from the Forbidden Forest, and then the feast began. The long tables filled with food of all kinds.

Piper piled her plate with food but really only picked at it. She couldn't get absorbed in Kate's story about her Italian beau Giacomo or Scorpius' story about his trip to America. Her thoughts returned to the angry words thrown at her, the hurtful things said and of cou-

"Hey, Earth to Piper! Where were you? You sort of zoned out on us." Scorp was waving his had in front of her face. She blinked as she regained her composure.

"Oh, sorry I was just thinking." she said as an excuse.

"It's ok, I was just asking you what in the name of Merlins' beard did you do to your hair?" He lifted a strand of the offending hair and dropped it as if it burned.

Piper raised her head defiantly and said "I dyed it to express my inner anger and sadness. I curled it to symbolize my inner confusion." She felt that they would question it, so she wasn't expecting Kate's response.

"Whatever, Cassidy has totally rubbed off on you." She said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

'Yeah, whatever' thought Piper, 'Some friend'

A/N: So here's chapter one! This is a little long, but I thought it was good. I had to squeeze a lot of info into this one. The others will be shorter. Yes, this will be a multi-chapter fic! YAY!


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